You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
