I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
