If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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