All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
organizing the empties. That sober.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm too high and old for this...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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