Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
