I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
