Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
