Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
