hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
