2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
