sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
