i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
