I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
