Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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