I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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