I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Green mimosas i think yes
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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