You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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