just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
