Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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