Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
