Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
