i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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