So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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