o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just want to make out with him forever
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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