it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
