Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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