when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
