you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
