I just made out with a guy for $7.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
