apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
