You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
