If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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