It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
