The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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