Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
