Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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