Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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