I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
