i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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