Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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