White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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