I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I am one with the molecules
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
