I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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