yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
