The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
