Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
