I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
