I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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