I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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