Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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